Watch and Learn - i don’t want to go home

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i have one day left in paris i'm a

little bit sad about it being my last

day but i'm also ready

by the end of the trip you're always

like okay i'm ready to go home although

i'm not going home i'm going to new york

tomorrow listen i'm just not ready to go

back to la yet i'm going to wait until

something forces me to go home

i have a cat sitter like my cats are

fine they're being fed and pet and

cuddled every day not by me which is

unfortunate but they are being taken

care of

right now i'm in the mood for a coffee i

already had one this morning but i think

it's time for another one so i'll start

there it's almost like a scavenger hunt

it's like okay first up i want to find a

coffee shop then i just walk until i

find one of those and it's like a

scavenger hunt next thing you know

you've been out all day and you had a

great [ __ ] time also i literally love

great __ time also i literally love

filming myself in public here because

for some reason nobody cares it's really

awesome

okay never mind somebody just gave me a

weird look some man just looked at me

like i killed his family so i actually

take everything i said back

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i have a slight issue i need to go to

the bathroom so bad like not even just

like oh i have to pee or like oh i have

to like maybe

go number two like i have to do both

like i need to like sit on the toilet

for an hour right now but i'm out for

the day like i'm not planning on going

back

to my hotel room for the rest of the day

you know i mean i'll figure it out it's

just that

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last night my dad and i went to an art

museum and it was one of those like

famous paris art museums it's called the

dorsey it had a bunch of famous

paintings in it van gogh paintings monet

paintings i think that this museum

experience really opened my eyes to

the fact that actually museums are kind

of fun

they're not fun that's not the right

word but they're amusing they're like

relaxing and amusing like i wasn't like

ah [ __ ] yes ah i love this monet

ah __ yes ah i love this monet

painting so much i'm having literally so

much fun this is better than coachella

you know like it wasn't like that it's a

very unique form of entertainment going

to a museum is a very different kind of

entertainment anyway i took pictures of

some of my favorite art pieces that i

saw you look at this dude laying in bed

and you can like feel what his body

feels like right now like he's been

snuggled up in bed for a few hours his

blankets and sheets are all warmed up

he's all insulated in the in the bed and

he's all warm you know like that's the

vibe like that's the vibe i can like

feel this vibe see this is a van gogh

painting and the funny thing about van

gogh paintings is that obviously they're

extremely famous everybody in

the museum was like fangirling over the

van gogh paintings and it was so

interesting to see people like

fangirling over an inanimate object but

anyway i was also fangirling this is

actually my favorite painting of all

time i am [ __ ] obsessed with this

time i am __ obsessed with this

painting i honestly really want to buy a

fake one and just put it up in my house

and i know that that's so wrong like i

know it's just so [ __ ] good i love

know it's just so __ good i love

all the colors in it i love the

wonkiness of the room there's something

weirdly nostalgic about it i love how

there's paintings of paintings in this

on the top right like this is just the

[ __ ] this is my favorite painting of all

__ this is my favorite painting of all

time and i know that i'm not saying

anything groundbreaking here i think a

lot of people probably love this

painting it's very [ __ ] famous

painting it's very __ famous

painting but whatever i can still

appreciate it

it's so funny like with art i feel like

talking about famous art is like the

same thing as talking about popular

music it's like not cool to like the

popular thing but [ __ ] all that i hate

popular thing but __ all that i hate

that

and i love this painting and i cannot

wait to buy a fake one

i don't know why i was so obsessed with

this portrait van gogh did this portrait

of this dude i just love his facial

expression he looks a little bit nervous

he looks like me anytime i'm at a social

event like when i'm at a party this is

what my face looks like just a little

bit uncomfortable

what the [ __ ] another van gogh painting

what the __ another van gogh painting

that's just a [ __ ] banger this one is

that's just a __ banger this one is

just so good it kind of reminds me of

coraline coraline is my favorite movie

and this kind of reminds me of the house

in coraline i just love everything about

that this is the famous van gogh

self-portrait i mean i had to [ __ ]

self-portrait i mean i had to __

take a photo of it

he looks great in it the thing i do

wonder about self-portraits back in the

day is like how did they like how did

they do it like did they take like a

photo of themselves

were there even cameras back then i know

there were cameras okay don't get

[ __ ] mad at me i play dumb all the

__ mad at me i play dumb all the

time i'm not actually that dumb i play

dumb a lot and i am dumb sometimes but i

know that there were cameras back then

actually i'm not 100 sure

there had to have been cameras i know

there were cameras

anyway um yeah this is just a full

painting of a vagina i'd love to say

that i'm classy i'd love to say that i

can see the beauty in a painting of a

vagina

i took a selfie in front of it and i

sent it 10 people you know what i'm

saying like anyway i'm gonna start going

to art museums more i really enjoyed

that it's relaxing but not boring it's

kind of similar to reading a book it's

like this very relaxing form of

entertainment which i think the older

you get the more you appreciate and

so you know i might start going to

museums more

i'm not kidding i've had to go to the

bathroom for the past half hour and the

problem is it's hard to just

find a bathroom

like i don't know where to go to find a

[ __ ] bathroom like where do i go to

__ bathroom like where do i go to

find a bathroom

i'm in a park right now there's no

bathrooms here also if i ask somebody

again i'm really bad at languages and

listen this is my fault but like you

know if i ask somebody where the

bathroom is

chances are they're going to tell me in

french

and i'm just going to have to try to

decode what they told me and

i'll probably find a bathroom somewhere

the problem is i don't know how long i

can hold it

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i found the [ __ ] bathroom

i found the __ bathroom

in in a mall i think i'm in a mall like

a shopping mall i don't know

know

that bathroom experience

i walk into this bathroom

and i see a toilet so i start walking

towards it and then

i get yelled at and i was like

what

and she was like

you have to pay to use the toilet and i

was like oh okay that's fine

i will pay to use the toilet i can't

believe i have to pay to poop never

thought that that would happen but hey

sure whatever i pay this woman i get in

line i mean like i was in so i was so

uncomfortable like

i was past the point of no return like

it wasn't like oh i have to pee a little

bit i have to poop a little bit it was

like oh no i'm actually about to [ __ ]

like oh no i'm actually about to __

and piss myself

at the same time

my abdomen felt like

felt like it had rats inside of it just

eating me from the inside out so i'm

waiting in line to use the toilet the

woman comes up to me again and she's

like you forgot to pay and i was like no

i just paid you i just paid you a few

seconds ago she's like you didn't pay

and i was like yes i did

queen i love you i

can't wait to use your toilet i don't

want to fight with you right now but i

did just pay and i'm not going to pay

again to go poop because i feel like

that shouldn't be a thing anyway like i

feel like i should be able to poop

for free in general

uh so i'm just paying once this time and

she was like you didn't pay and i showed

her my receipt and then she was like oh

okay

and then i and then i went to the

bathroom and it was great and i feel

great now my body feels

uh super relaxed um

but that experience was kind of

traumatizing so now i am laying in a

park

just to try to decompress after what

i've been through um although what was

kind of magical is that while i was

using the toilet a ladybug flew onto my

arm inside of a building i don't know

how a ladybug got in there but it was

kind of a magical moment

so me and this ladybug got to hang out

while i was

pooping and you know

it was cute it was sweet but anyway

yeah

oh my god there's a [ __ ] eiffel tower

oh my god there's a __ eiffel tower

right there can you see it

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i was having a

relaxing peaceful lunch and i go in my

bag to

get my wallet

and it's not [ __ ] in there i [ __ ]

and it's not __ in there i __

lost my wallet

listen it would be one thing if i was at

home

and i lost my wallet

but i'm not in

i'm not home it had all my credit cards

in it luckily it didn't have my passport

in it but it had my vaccine card like

everything and i'm freaking out and i i

had to have left it at the coffee shop

that i was at before

but that coffee shop closes in

seven minutes and i'm literally seven

minutes away so if they close early or

they don't have it i'm [ __ ] but i had

they don't have it i'm __ but i had

to have left it there that's that's

because i

because i used my credit card

to pay there

so it has to be there so i'm really

hoping it's there

because i

it couldn't be anywhere else if it's not

there i'm not i don't know

everything just went to [ __ ] if i can

everything just went to __ if i can

find it though my day will be made and i

will be i swear to god

i will be the most

i will never complain ever again about

anything if i found my wallet right now

you guys oh my god i [ __ ] found it it

you guys oh my god i __ found it it

was at the coffee shop when i walked in

they were like

we know what you want and i was like

yes

what would i have done i don't know i

i don't know i can now continue my

adventure so life is good i just i'm

appreciating life in a new light now you

know it's funny this is why i normally

don't carry a wallet like i don't even

own a wallet like i'm literally using an

envelope i forget [ __ ] everywhere i lose

envelope i forget __ everywhere i lose

[ __ ] all the time so i never carry a

__ all the time so i never carry a

wallet i always put things in my pocket

but today i was like you know what we'll

do a little wallet and then i [ __ ]

do a little wallet and then i __

lose it

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