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Welcome everybody to the late show. I'm
Welcome
everybody
to
the
late
show
I'm
your host Steven Colbert. [cheering]
your
host
Steven
Colbert
cheering
Ladies and gentlemen,
Ladies
and
gentlemen
thank you. You know, uh there are so
thank
you
You
know
uh
there
are
so
many big stories dominating the national
many
big
stories
dominating
the
national
conversation right now, but we're going
conversation
right
now
but
we're
going
to start off tonight with what I know is
to
start
off
tonight
with
what
I
know
is
the number one reason you all watch the
the
number
one
reason
you
all
watch
the
show, and that is to hear me talk about
show
and
that
is
to
hear
me
talk
about
sports.
sports
[laughter]
laughter
This Sunday is the biggest day in men's
This
Sunday
is
the
biggest
day
in
men's
football, Super Bowl 60. Yes, the Super
football
Super
Bowl
60
Yes
the
Super
Bowl is 60. Which explains why the game
Bowl
is
60
Which
explains
why
the
game
is sponsored by Day of the Week Pillbox.
is
sponsored
by
Day
of
the
Week
Pillbox
You know their slogan, one of these
You
know
their
slogan
one
of
these
better be for depression.
better
be
for
depression
[laughter]
laughter
And
And
the halftime show for this year's Super Bowl
the
halftime
show
for
this
year's
Super
Bowl
Bowl will be a friend of the show or
Bowl
will
be
a
friend
of
the
show
or
amigo Bad Bunny
amigo
Bad
Bunny
Bad Bunny who sings almost exclusively
Bad
Bunny
who
sings
almost
exclusively
in [cheering] Spanish
in
cheering
Spanish
and
and
[applause]
applause
not only that is expected to perform in
not
only
that
is
expected
to
perform
in
Spanish. Now, I've been practicing
Spanish
Now
I've
been
practicing
Spanish on my Duallingingo,
Spanish
on
my
Duallingingo
so I'll understand all his lyrics as
so
I'll
understand
all
his
lyrics
as
long as the lyrics are the bear and the
long
as
the
lyrics
are
the
bear
and
the
mouse need an apartment.
mouse
need
an
apartment
Also,
Also
[laughter] that's all I got. The
laughter
that's
all
I
got
The
right-wing media has had their panties
right-wing
media
has
had
their
panties
in a bunch over the Bad Bunny booking
in
a
bunch
over
the
Bad
Bunny
booking
for months because Mr. Bunny excluded
for
months
because
Mr
Bunny
excluded
the continental U.S. from his most recent
the
continental
US
from
his
most
recent
tour out of fear that ICE could
tour
out
of
fear
that
ICE
could
potentially raid the venues. And then on
potentially
raid
the
venues
And
then
on
Sunday night, he blasted ice while
Sunday
night
he
blasted
ice
while
accepting an award at the Grammys. Hey,
accepting
an
award
at
the
Grammys
Hey
he's just looking out for his fans,
he's
just
looking
out
for
his
fans
y'all. Also, [cheering] that's what you
y'all
Also
cheering
that's
what
you
want to do. That's all you want to do.
want
to
do
That's
all
you
want
to
do
Also, Latino artists have always been
Also
Latino
artists
have
always
been
political. Who can forget that famous
political
Who
can
forget
that
famous
Gloria Estefan song?
Gloria
Estefan
song
>> The [laughter]
>>
The
laughter
fantastic. How did he lose? How did he
fantastic
How
did
he
lose
How
did
he
lose? The New York Times even asked some
lose
The
New
York
Times
even
asked
some
NFL players what they thought about the
NFL
players
what
they
thought
about
the
decision, and one player said, "I always
decision
and
one
player
said
I
always
think it should be an American. I think
think
it
should
be
an
American
I
think
they're trying too hard with this
they're
trying
too
hard
with
this
international stuff." I agree.
international
stuff
I
agree
I agree. And I bet Bad Bunny agrees,
I
agree
And
I
bet
Bad
Bunny
agrees
too, cuz he's an American. [cheering]
too
cuz
he's
an
American
cheering
[screaming]
screaming
He [applause] He is from Puerto Rico,
He
applause
He
is
from
Puerto
Rico
which is part of the United States. Hey,
which
is
part
of
the
United
States
Hey
[cheering] hey, hey, hey, bito. Anyone
cheering
hey
hey
hey
bito
Anyone
who thinks it's unamerican to have an
who
thinks
it's
unamerican
to
have
an
American perform at the Super Bowl is
American
perform
at
the
Super
Bowl
is
dumb, right? [laughter]
dumb
right
laughter
>> [laughter]
>>
laughter
>> H see
>>
H
see
[cheering]
cheering
also see also I just want to point out
also
see
also
I
just
want
to
point
out
that in the past they've had many
that
in
the
past
they've
had
many
artists who are not American like
artists
who
are
not
American
like
Canadian Shania Twain, the UK's Rolling
Canadian
Shania
Twain
the
UK's
Rolling
Stones or Paul McCartney as well as Big
Stones
or
Paul
McCartney
as
well
as
Big
Big Bad Voodoo Daddy who of course hails
Big
Bad
Voodoo
Daddy
who
of
course
hails
from the country called the late 90s, a
from
the
country
called
the
late
90s
a
lawless place where Squirrel Nut Zippers
lawless
place
where
Squirrel
Nut
Zippers
and Spin Doctors roam, and Smashing
and
Spin
Doctors
roam
and
Smashing
Pumpkins with their Flaming Lips. And
Pumpkins
with
their
Flaming
Lips
And
many of them did not speak English.
many
of
them
did
not
speak
English
People are still trying to decipher what
People
are
still
trying
to
decipher
what
language Eddie Vedder is singing.
language
Eddie
Vedder
is
singing
Squeegee
Squeegee
look the hero.
look
the
hero
[cheering]
cheering
Can you hear me?
Can
you
hear
me
[applause]
applause
Kind of sounds like a bag pipe.
Kind
of
sounds
like
a
bag
pipe
[laughter] Hear me [Â __Â ] please.
laughter
Hear
me
 __Â
please
It
It
he [cheering]
he
cheering
[applause]
applause
Love you, Eddie Vedder. The Times also
Love
you
Eddie
Vedder
The
Times
also
asked players if they could pick any
asked
players
if
they
could
pick
any
artist who would be their top choice to
artist
who
would
be
their
top
choice
to
play the halftime show. And one player
play
the
halftime
show
And
one
player
said Florence in the Machine. But I
said
Florence
in
the
Machine
But
I
don't know if everybody would rock with
don't
know
if
everybody
would
rock
with
that. [laughter]
that
laughter
You speak your truth, anonymous burly
You
speak
your
truth
anonymous
burly
man. I don't know who this fell is, but
man
I
don't
know
who
this
fell
is
but
give him a bigger, thicker helmet
give
him
a
bigger
thicker
helmet
because we have to protect him and his
because
we
have
to
protect
him
and
his
love of witchy power ballads that are
love
of
witchy
power
ballads
that
are
perfect for water births,
perfect
for
water
births
you know, football. [laughter]
you
know
football
laughter
If you'd rather not watch a bad bunny,
If
you'd
rather
not
watch
a
bad
bunny
uh there's going to be a competing
uh
there's
going
to
be
a
competing
halftime show featuring a terrible bunny
halftime
show
featuring
a
terrible
bunny
because in protest, a conservative group
because
in
protest
a
conservative
group
is staging an alternative halftime show
is
staging
an
alternative
halftime
show
starring Kid Rock.
starring
Kid
Rock
According to the press release, the show
According
to
the
press
release
the
show
is called the All-American Halftime Show
is
called
the
All-American
Halftime
Show
in a font that is called T-shirt on a
in
a
font
that
is
called
T-shirt
on
a
Quiet Angry Dad at Disney World. As you
Quiet
Angry
Dad
at
Disney
World
As
you
may have noticed from the poster there,
may
have
noticed
from
the
poster
there
kid's not rocking this one alone. He'll
kid's
not
rocking
this
one
alone
He'll
be joined by country singers Brantley
be
joined
by
country
singers
Brantley
Gilbert, Gabby Barrett, and Lee Brice.
Gilbert
Gabby
Barrett
and
Lee
Brice
Powerhouse lineup. Also appearing are
Powerhouse
lineup
Also
appearing
are
Gary LeVox, Gilby Clarke, Dierks
Gary
LeVox
Gilby
Clarke
Dierks
Barrett, Randy Brecker, Billy Gibbons,
Barrett
Randy
Brecker
Billy
Gibbons
and Baby Billy.
and
Baby
Billy
Now [cheering] exciting. I'm tuning in.
Now
cheering
exciting
I'm
tuning
in
I'm tuning in. I'm flipping the wings.
I'm
tuning
in
I'm
flipping
the
wings
I'm tuning in.
I'm
tuning
in
>> I don't want to disappoint anybody, but
>>
I
don't
want
to
disappoint
anybody
but
we've just learned that Billy Gidley
we've
just
learned
that
Billy
Gidley
cannot make it [laughter]
cannot
make
it
laughter
due to health reasons. But in tribute,
due
to
health
reasons
But
in
tribute
Tilly Gillson and Brandy DeAngelo
Tilly
Gillson
and
Brandy
DeAngelo
will be performing a Billy Gibbons medley.
will
be
performing
a
Billy
Gibbons
medley
[laughter and cheering]
laughter
and
cheering
Now, if you want to attend this
Now
if
you
want
to
attend
this
alternate halftime show, you can't
alternate
halftime
show
you
can't
because it is unclear what venue will
because
it
is
unclear
what
venue
will
host, which I believe is fitting because
host
which
I
believe
is
fitting
because
Kid Rock is often unclear what venue
Kid
Rock
is
often
unclear
what
venue
he's in. [cheering] But they have
he's
in
cheering
But
they
have
announced the event will be available to
announced
the
event
will
be
available
to
stream on the actual real platforms TBN,
stream
on
the
actual
real
platforms
TBN
DW Plus, Charge, and Rumble. Also,
DW
Plus
Charge
and
Rumble
Also
they're negotiating to stream on Crunch,
they're
negotiating
to
stream
on
Crunch
Crumble, Hunkle, Krampus, and Paramount
Crumble
Hunkle
Krampus
and
Paramount
Plus.
Plus
His new contributor, Billy [cheering]
His
new
contributor
Billy
cheering
Gibbons, is [applause] going to be a
Gibbons
is
applause
going
to
be
a
contributor on CBS News. Now, that's a
contributor
on
CBS
News
Now
that's
a
scoop. That's an idea scoop. But wait,
scoop
That's
an
idea
scoop
But
wait
there's more sport. This time,
there's
more
sport
This
time
international. Because Friday marks the
international
Because
Friday
marks
the
start of the Milan-Cortina 2026 Winter
start
of
the
Milan-Cortina
2026
Winter
Olympics. There's lots to look forward
Olympics
There's
lots
to
look
forward
to. Specifically, Milo and Tina, the
to
Specifically
Milo
and
Tina
the
first openly Gen Z Olympic mascots.
first
openly
Gen
Z
Olympic
mascots
[laughter]
laughter
[laughter] How brave.
laughter
How
brave
Before now, it was hard for mascots to
Before
now
it
was
hard
for
mascots
to
tell their parents they were born
tell
their
parents
they
were
born
between 1997 and 2012.
between
1997
and
2012
But of course, when you think of Gen Z
But
of
course
when
you
think
of
Gen
Z
Olympians, you think of a pair of
Olympians
you
think
of
a
pair
of
scarf-wearing stoes or short-haired
scarf-wearing
stoes
or
short-haired
weasels, seen here, uh, apparently
weasels
seen
here
uh
apparently
fleeing an alpine crime scene with three
fleeing
an
alpine
crime
scene
with
three
baby grandmas. [laughter]
baby
grandmas
laughter
Baby Grandmas, of course, is streaming
Baby
Grandmas
of
course
is
streaming
after the All-American halftime show on
after
the
All-American
halftime
show
on
Hunkle. Baby Grandmas, are they babies?
Hunkle
Baby
Grandmas
are
they
babies
Are they grandmas? Either way, they're
Are
they
grandmas
Either
way
they're
wearing diapers. Hunkle. Hunkle with
wearing
diapers
Hunkle
Hunkle
with
ads. [applause and cheering]
ads
applause
and
cheering
Now,
Now
say ads. [applause]
say
ads
applause
with ads. According to the mascot
with
ads
According
to
the
mascot
experts, Tina is a creative,
experts
Tina
is
a
creative
down-to-earth type, while Milo loves to
down-to-earth
type
while
Milo
loves
to
play practical jokes and invent musical
play
practical
jokes
and
invent
musical
instruments in his spare time. Neat. I
instruments
in
his
spare
time
Neat
I
think I speak for everyone when I say
think
I
speak
for
everyone
when
I
say
Milo must be killed.
Milo
must
be
killed
>> [laughter]
>>
laughter
>> Sorry.
>>
Sorry
>> Practical jokes and inventing music. No.
>>
Practical
jokes
and
inventing
music
No
No.
No
>> Fun fact, Milo and Tina were selected
>>
Fun
fact
Milo
and
Tina
were
selected
after Italy's Ministry of Education
after
Italy's
Ministry
of
Education
invited primary and secondary school
invited
primary
and
secondary
school
students to submit ideas for mascots.
students
to
submit
ideas
for
mascots
That's cute. Also explains the runners
That's
cute
Also
explains
the
runners
up: Spaghetti and My Balls,
up:
Spaghetti
and
My
Balls
Señor Bisto. And the most popular
Señor
Bisto
And
the
most
popular
streaming movie in Italy, K Paparoni De
streaming
movie
in
Italy
K
Paparoni
De
Mozzarella Hunteros.
Mozzarella
Hunteros
Okay, that was hard. [applause]
Okay
that
was
hard
applause
K Mozzarelli.
K
Mozzarelli
>> K Paparoni.
>>
K
Paparoni
>> K Paparoni mozzarella de Marinos. Okay,
>>
K
Paparoni
mozzarella
de
Marinos
Okay
we've waited long enough and I think
we've
waited
long
enough
and
I
think
it's time to sink our teeth into what I
it's
time
to
sink
our
teeth
into
what
I
believe is the most important news story
believe
is
the
most
important
news
story
in America. a Chicago snowplow naming
in
America
a
Chicago
snowplow
naming
contest where finalists include Abolish
contest
where
finalists
include
Abolish
ICE, Kevin McCallister, and Steven Colbert.
ICE
Kevin
McCallister
and
Steven
Colbert
Bear.
Bear
[cheering]
cheering
[applause]
applause
[cheering]
cheering
Thank you. [applause]
Thank
you
applause
Of course, as a guy who lived in Chicago
Of
course
as
a
guy
who
lived
in
Chicago
for over a decade, I was very excited
for
over
a
decade
I
was
very
excited
when I heard about this. It's an honor
when
I
heard
about
this
It's
an
honor
just to be nominated for a name on
just
to
be
nominated
for
a
name
on
snowplow.
snowplow
[laughter]
laughter
I was less excited, however, to learn
I
was
less
excited
however
to
learn
that on the list of finalists, I'm
that
on
the
list
of
finalists
I'm
currently number 22.
currently
number
22
This is an outrage. Look, I don't mind
This
is
an
outrage
Look
I
don't
mind
being lower than some of the good plow
being
lower
than
some
of
the
good
plow
names on the list like Buckingham Plowne,
names
on
the
list
like
Buckingham
Plowne
Caleb Chills, and Chance the Scraper.
Caleb
Chills
and
Chance
the
Scraper
But I'm currently nine spots below.
But
I'm
currently
nine
spots
below
Live Laugh Plow.
Live
Laugh
Plow
Live Laugh Plow.
Live
Laugh
Plow
Come on, Chicago. That's not even a pun.
Come
on
Chicago
That's
not
even
a
pun
It's the name of a throw pillow-themed
It's
the
name
of
a
throw
pillow-themed
porno.
porno
And I'm not going to take this lying
And
I'm
not
going
to
take
this
lying
down, even though I love lying down.
down
even
though
I
love
lying
down
The list of snowplow names is a sham. It
The
list
of
snowplow
names
is
a
sham
It
is a travesty. And I'm being told, uh,
is
a
travesty
And
I'm
being
told
uh
the list is purely alphabetical. And my
the
list
is
purely
alphabetical
And
my
little, my little tantrum was
little
my
little
tantrum
was
unjustified,
unjustified
though. It did get us closer to the
though
It
did
get
us
closer
to
the
commercial break. My apologies. I'm so
commercial
break
My
apologies
I'm
so
sorry. I'm [applause and cheering] Hey,
sorry
I'm
applause
and
cheering
Hey
guys. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to
guys
I'm
sorry
You
shouldn't
have
to
watch. I'm so sorry. My apologies to
watch
I'm
so
sorry
My
apologies
to
specifically Chicago. I want to win
specifically
Chicago
I
want
to
win
this. Okay. I still want to win this.
this
Okay
I
still
want
to
win
this
So, listen up. City residents may view
So
listen
up
City
residents
may
view
the list of finalists and vote for up to
the
list
of
finalists
and
vote
for
up
to
six names at chicagosnowplow.org
six
names
at
chicagosnowploworg
by Saturday, February 14th. Perfect
by
Saturday
February
14th
Perfect
activity for you and your lover. On
activity
for
you
and
your
lover
On
Valentine's Day, you vote for me, then
Valentine's
Day
you
vote
for
me
then
Live Laugh Plow. [cheering]
Live
Laugh
Plow
cheering
By the way,
By
the
way
Live Laugh Plow. [cheering] It might
Live
Laugh
Plow
cheering
It
might
have to be Live Laugh Plow. [applause]
have
to
be
Live
Laugh
Plow
applause
Oh, by the way, uh Chicago.gov.
Oh
by
the
way
uh
Chicagogov
Also one of the sites where you can
Also
one
of
the
sites
where
you
can
catch the Kid Rock Halftime Show. We got
catch
the
Kid
Rock
Halftime
Show
We
got
a great show for you tonight. [music] My
a
great
show
for
you
tonight
music
My
guests are Buffalo and Father James
guests
are
Buffalo
and
Father
James
Martin. But when we come back, we talk
Martin
But
when
we
come
back
we
talk
about the guy, you know, talk [music]
about
the
guy
you
know
talk
music
about
about
[music]
music
>> [music]
>>
music
[cheering]
cheering
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